In Summary
If you are not able to handle it with your wife, you could approach an elder known to them and find out if they could help you. However, be careful as not to kill the relationship
I do not like hosting my in-laws yet they frequent our house. How can I tell them off? John K.
Dear John K, It seems your in-laws have behaved in a way that comes off as negative. When we get married, we become attached to our partners’ relatives. It means recognising that they are our parents and treating them so. In our African context it means; sometimes providing for their needs such as food and medical care; visiting them; sharing good and bad things such as celebrating anniversaries and supporting each other when you lose someone. They also visit and we become one big family. However, this will be good if done within limits or if not overdone.
As a couple you need your space and quality time together without the presence of other people. Should you really tell them off? Will this provide the solution you need? Remember these are now a permanent feature in your lives and how you treat them matters. If you tell them off you will create a rift between your family and theirs hence your children will grow up alienated because of your act. This will strain relationships which is not good for you. You need to weigh your actions towards your in-laws and the consequences of these actions.
How would you feel if your wife was to tell off your parents, relatives or even your friends? You and your wife need to find a way of managing your in-laws actions and expectations. Talk to your wife and let her know your feelings about the frequent visits from your in-laws. Then together propose how you are going to deal with these frequent visits.
You need to find out why they visit. Sometimes they have not been able to separate their family from yours. But also you could be their “favoured” and approachable son-in-law. So they take it as one big family forgetting that you as a couple need privacy. If you are not able to handle it with your wife, you could approach an elder known to them and find out if they could help you. However, be careful as not to kill the relationship.
Uncle Joe Musaalo is a Counselling Psychologist
lifemagazine@ug.nationmedia.com
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