After heartbreak, some people decide to stay single for life fearing a similar occurrence.
In Summary
Tough choices. They’re attractive and successful, and therefore eligible for marriage, yet a growing number of people are preferring to live single as opposed to the happily-ever-after. Racheal Irene Nalubega finds out why some people may choose to be single for life.
In the African traditional society, being single for life was unheard of. In fact, it was taboo and single people did not command any respect in society at all.
Marriage was deemed prestigious and as such, parents had to make sure their children got married as soon as they became of age. Parents even made choosing suitable partners for their children their responsibility. And this worked for society for a long time.
But as the world evolved, soon children were left to pick their choice of partners and/ or status. And lo and behold came the I-choose-to-be-single-for-life status from people who came to appreciate that being single for life is not bad after all.
But if everybody is free to choose whomever they want to spend their life with, why then would some choose to remain single. Being forever single is a lifestyle choice which removes the need for a partner from the equation of personal happiness.
It is, however, believed that different people have different reasons as to why they choose to stay single. Some are afraid of disappointments in relationships, others lost all respect for marriage, worse still others are mourning a love lost. The latter say, ‘if I can’t have him/her, then I am ok staying single for life’.
Disappointments
Some years back, a friend of mine told me about her then 40-year-old aunt, Audrey, who said she had lost all sense of love. She told me that Audrey told her that while in her late 20s she had met a nice, responsible, well-nurtured man she fell head-over-heels for.
But in a quest to meet their commitment dreams, the man had to go to the United Kingdom to make ends meet to better their future.
Although the two kept in touch, after two years, the man returned home not to marry Audrey but another woman.
This left Audrey devastated. She felt the betrayed and said she was not willing to go through it again. As such, she vowed never to get involved with men, at least emotionally, for good.
Aunt Audrey is one of the many examples of the growing trend among mature men and women who have chosen to stay single for life because they suffered a heartbreak. But is just one person worth making such a life-changing decision for?
Ibrahim Nakibinge, a married man, has no kind words for people who make life-changing decisions basing on one person’s fault. He says he would never take such a direction during his dating days because it shows weakness on the side of the man.
Nakibinge’s interpretation raises the gender question of whether women are more affected by heartbreak than men.
Ali Male, a counsellor, says women are usually emotional and quick to embrace commitment, especially if they think they have found the person they want to spend the rest of their life with.
But if the relationship fails, they are bound to get traumatised and take drastic decisions such as staying single for life.
“However, there are also men who suffer silently because society expects them to be strong and those that do not manage to embrace heartbreak are the few bachelors society still mocks,” Male says.
Optimism
There are as many people who move on after heartbreak. But why don’t others move on? Is failure to move on a sign of weakness?
Relationship experts say people who move on easily after a breakup are usually open-minded. They are in the relationship well aware of a possibility of a breakup. Yet, those affected by breakups to a point of no return do so because they never see the breakup coming.
Evelyn Lufafa, a counsellor at Ssubi Medical Centre, says after a painful breakup it is true most people would never want to try out another relationship because of the pain of the disappointment but embracing it is the remedy.
“Once the relationship is over let go of the pain in order for you to move on. Allow tears to flow and make sure you share your grief with friends and family to ease whatever tension there is.”
Would you choose to be single for life?
“That is impossible. But if the previous relationship had lasted for long to even involve relatives, then I would take some time before dating again. But if the relationship had only lasted a few months then moving on is just a walk in the park.” Andrew Kahwa, health worker
“I can’t because life keeps on moving so living in the past is no option for me. I can never let a past relationship ruin my future which might even be better. Those who consider single for life should consider letting go of the past.” Robert Mugerwa, events host
“I would never consider such a step because being alone forever would make the pain worse. I will have to find new love for me to forget about the old love injury. People who choose to remain single because of heartbreak keep hurting.” Ritah Namugabi, Law student
“I know one thing and that is if someone leaves you, then you are not meant to be nor were they yours and that helps me move on and wait for one who will stick by me no matter what instead of whining over the past loss.” Paul Bagalana, journalist
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