The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, My boyfriend and I have been together for six years now, but I think cracks are beginning to show. I’m completing a degree and intend to go on to postgraduate studies to pursue a career in academia, whereas my boyfriend barely completed his diploma. This never really seemed a problem before when I was doing my A-Level, but now it feels as though intellectually I’m at a different level and have begun to think about things differently, I suppose because of the way a degree course trains one to think, among others. I never wanted to break up with my boyfriend because of going to university, but maybe I’m holding on to something that was good three years ago, but not now? I don’t know, what do you think? Jackline
Your solutions
Promise James I had a girlfriend but she was ahead of me in class. She used to tell me that love does not know the level of education. But I think to some extent it does because as soon as she went to high school, everything changed. Equally so, instead of wasting your boyfriend’s time be open to him and tell him the truth.
Lakwoo Lacan Pelonyatii I also had the same scenario where my girlfriend was ahead of me in education due to my financial problems. She went to Canada for her Law degree and when she came back, she treated me like no man at all. Three years down the road she got married to a rich man. Soon her marriage became a prison of love. She started fighting openly with her man – even outside supermarkets. Therefore, never undermine people because they have low education, they have a lot of luck and love truly. Think wisely because life and love is not about how high your education level is. It’s about how hard you work and how responsible you act.
Hakim Nyanzi When my girlfriend was in the last semester of her third year at university, she told me her father would ask for my education level, job and religion. I stopped at Senior Six, work downtown and a Muslim. Honestly, I had to sort myself out and left her to go for her type. Two years later, God blessed me with a better income and upon knowing, she came back to me though I wasn’t ready. Don’t be like her. Love your man regardless of the different educational levels.
Biketi Keny You are lying yourself; at some point after you have studied, you will come to discover that status always takes precedence in relationships and believe me you, you will desert that guy for another who is of your level. I am a degree holder with a diploma also and my wife has only a diploma in the same field but she knows that once she risks to go for further studies, our relationship ends because the truth is 99 per cent of women are more conscious about their education status unlike we men and in most cases these two, education and relationship, directly influence one another. So one of you will surrender another like it or not
Charles Osire This is the easiest of dilemmas if at all it’s a dilemma. Ok, from what I have understood, it’s clear that you have a decision made already. You have already undermined your boyfriend basing on his education level. So in my opinion, even if you married him, I don’t see your marriage being successful. Secondly, it’s not common for highly educated women to settle for less or uneducated men, so surely I understand you. Therefore, be extra careful when choosing a marital partner whether educated or not love must be the greatest ingredient.
Arinaitwe K Fredrick Wisdom is not a result of schooling but other lifelong attempts to acquire it. You have been in love for six years, was it because the man was educated or wise enough to take care of you? Think twice.
Yusufu Nyende Education can separate you from your boyfriend? So after acquiring those credentials, is life going to change, will you be working on the moon, NASA? You should in fact be encouraging your husband to also go back to school. You should even be happy because you have a boyfriend who truly loves you. Are you not considering the six years you have spent in the relationship?
David Eboku Relationships are good to grow us. Four areas are key; physical, intellectual, emotiono-social and spiritual. Balance is important. If you are too advanced in one aspect compared to your partner, then there is an imbalance. Recipe for trouble. It can only be solved by serious conversation and open sharing with humility, admitting weaknesses and accepting to take action to keep the balance, either way.
Noah François Fas What would you rather have; a man, less educated but loves and respects you in truth? Or one that is more educated but barely recognises your existence? Be careful what you wish for.
George Hilman Onyapid I’d rather have a partner who stopped in Senior One but loved me. Education only enhances behavior but does not make total transformation of one’s character. Analyse it.
Marisa Tumwebaze It’s true a difference in education brings a difference in thinking, especially with the exposure education brings about. The man must go back to school, otherwise the cracks will grow big.
Moses Rano Ali If you really love someone I guess you can even fight the mistakes. Relationships are not all about education but our hearts let him be your strength. Right now you might think he is not right for you but time will come when you need him. Please take things slow.
Turyahabwe Ezra Your ideas are showing that you are arrogant and no longer in love with your so-called boyfriend. Do what your mind tells you but keep in mind that you will not escape the consequences of your decision.
Counsellor says
Doreen Tuhirirwe, counsellor at Uganda Counselling Centre, Entebbe says it is normal that women tend to think that they are at another level when they have more qualifications than the men. They think they are no longer fit to stay in such relationships because they think they are at a different intellectual level and have a higher reasoning capacity than their partner.
You must, however, understand that love is not about education or the type of job you have. If you truly love someone, your qualifications will not affect your relationship. Becoming a career woman does not mean you lose your family or relationship.
If he has the qualities that you want, those that have kept you together for the six years, stick to him. It is also possible that you can use your education, find a job and be a blessing to him as you encourage him to also go back to school and acquire more education.
Generally, many relationships have been strained by education differences where most highly qualified partners feel they should not stay in such relationships. But people should understand that love is not about books but the heart –Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka
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