7 questions to ask yourself before you commit

They say when it’s right, you just know. You believe you are in love and decide that you will choose this person as your life partner. But whether it’s because of the way they make you feel or because you can imagine what life with this person at its best would be, there are things you have to think about before you commit no matter how intoxicating someone is. Here are the important questions to think about to avoid any unpleasant surprises down the road. Once you’re able to answer all of them honestly, you will then be able to determine if you are ready to choose your life partner. Ready, set, answer!
1. Why do you want to commit? You have been dating this person a couple of months or years and have been on many dates; laughing at each other’s jokes and you’re excited to see where the relationship might lead. Before you take that leap into a serious committed relationship, ask yourself, WHY? Is it because you can’t stand to see them with anyone else, you think they’re a good match but need to really dive in to find out for sure, you enjoy their company more than you’ve ever enjoyed anyone else’s or you just need a place to crash while you wait for your dream job to come through.
2. Can we be friends? It sounds flat, but it’s so important that you actually enjoy spending most of your time with the person you’re about to commit to. We are naturally programmed to prefer people different from us for one reason. It keeps the relationship fresh and exciting. Remember the magnetic theory, “Like poles repel and unlike poles attract?” Even if you ask someone a couple like Doctor and Ms. Seremba who celebrated their 42nd anniversary in marriage last week, what the secret to a long, happy marriage like theirs is, they will say, “I married my best friend.” Likewise, from elders whose marriages failed, you often hear: “We were good lovers, but never learned how to be friends.” So, do you really, really like him/ her? Do you care about the details of their life? Do they preoccupy your thoughts? Are you just interested in being in a relationship, or are you craving a relationship with this particular individual?
3. Are we spiritually compatible? I am not saying differences in faith are cannot be defeated. In fact they can even be enriching to a relationship if discussed earlier. It’s very important to know how your potential partner’s concept of reality differs from yours before you decide to get in the foxhole with them. Does he or she believe in God? Are you a staunch catholic and your partner Muslim? What does your belief mean to you? Because if one of you goes to church and other wishes they could go to a mosque or temple, where will the kids go?! More often, you’re likely going to hit major roadblocks later on. Talk about these differences and determine if your differing faith systems are compatible with one another.
4.Do we like each other’s family? Do your parents like him or her? Do your friends feel the same way? These people are going to interact with both of you forever, positive feedback on the relationship from them matters. If your loved ones think the person you’re seeing is a good match for you, you’re assured of a built-in support system. It also matters what the other family thinks because family ties are generally strong and can be a blessing or a curse. Do a reality check to see if you can live with these individuals in your life. If they are warm and wonderful, your life will be all the better with them in it. If you sense indecision from any one close, try to understand why they’re not excited about the relationship the way you are.
5. Have we both dealt with our “baggage”? If you are at a place in your life where you are balanced in your work, mind, body and spirit, you can stand on your own without depending on another person. This makes you a solid and emotionally healthy partner ready for a healthy relationship with a healthy person because you are entering this relationship for the right reasons and without the past tagging along. For a relationship to thrive, you need to be fully present. Before you commit, make sure this specific person is the one you want, and that your past, while important in terms of life lessons and character building, isn’t interfering with you giving your best to someone new.
6. What are your life beliefs, expectations and desires? Things like life goals, family, marriage, and cheating are big-ticket items to think about before you seriously commitment. People have very different ideas about what constitutes cheating in a relationship, that’s it’s important to make sure your definitions match to avoid problems in future. It’s also important to know what happens if one of you is disloyal because it happens. Be clear on how you would like your life to look as the mature, honest person that you are. If you are sure that your partner and you match up or agree on these items after having a discussion, congs! You are both ready to settle.
7. Finally, how do you feel in this relationship? If on the surface all seems great but you are jumping through hoops to make your partner happy all of the time or you are always on guard trying to keep that person in a good mood, listen to your guts one more time. You need to be very mindful of how you are treated to be sure you are not with someone who controls, criticises or manipulates you. On the other hand if you feel comfortable, loved and cherished, like you are finally home, then congratulations! Make that choice.