The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, My name is Laura and I have been married for three years. My husband and I have a two-year-old daughter. We shared a bed with our daughter until she was two years old because my husband thought she was still young to sleep in her own bed. Problem is now she has totally refused to sleep in her own bed yet we want her to leave. Each time she goes to her bed she cries in the middle of the night and only calms down when we sleep with her. We can’t even lock our bedroom because she walks in anytime of the night demanding to sleep with us. It is becoming stressful for us especially the father who says it’s my responsibility to make our daughter acquainted with her bed. Were we wrong to make her used to sleeping with us? How do other parents do it? How can she get used to her bed without us forcing her?
Kataba Kanakulya Daniel This happened to me when I came back from “kyeyo”. My wife was sharing the bed with our last born. This was a very big problem because whenever he woke up in the middle of night, he would cry till you gave him attention. Honestly, I didn’t have a romantic holiday after two years in winter. I learnt a very big lesson and if I was to have another baby, I would make sure they sleep in their own bed as early as three months such that by the time they mature they are already used to the situation.
It’s better to teach children how to become independent at an early stage.
Kinyera Donald Laura take it slow my sister since she was so comfortable with you her parents and loosing that comfort is not that easy for her as you may think. But next time you deliver a child, make sure that they start sleeping in their own bed when they make six months but make sure both you and your husbdans keep checking on the toddler while it’s asleep. Good luck.
Ogwang Emma Ramsey. A child must learn to sleep alone when they are six months. The mother breastfeeds and leaves them in their bed. You should get a housemaid to take care of her.
Alexadrah David Jr. It will be a long process. I bought my son toys to play with and kept them in his room. I made it his playing room, eating room and made sure whenever he slept during day time we take him there. It was not easy but later he got used to his own bed.
Promise James. Buy for her a big doll and if when she sleeps put it near her in bed.
Robbie Archid. Just sleep with her on her bed in case she is scared until she sleeps off again other than accepting her to come and sleep with you on the same bed.
Ntibarikure Robert. You can get her bed and bring it to your room. Sleep with her but after she is deep asleep, transfer her to her bed which is near yours.
Twehamye Wilson. Make sure the baby sleeps in her bed in the master bedroom immediately after birth. Keep checking on the baby. It will be easy for you to change room without difficulty in adjusting. Remember to keep checking on the child.
Mulase Julius. Always carry her after she sleeps to her bed she will be waking up and find herself in her bed in the morning thus she will get used to sleeping on her own.
Francis Musinguzi. Make her a bedroom that is very attractive. She will move.
Ringtho Remelia. It’s never too late. You need to try and help your daughter adjust to her own bed for the sake of your intimacy. She has to sleep in her bed no matter what. She will cry but she has to learn. If she comes to your bed tell her this is mummy and daddy’s bed and they, too, want to sleep. If she refuses then carry her to her bed. If you do that everyday she will get used.
Mathew Julius. At first, you should create room for her bed in your bedroom such that she keeps around you but in her own space. When she gets used to her bed, then shift her to her own bedroom.
Paul Kay. Take advantage of the little moments you have in your daughter’s absence for instance bathing together and get intimate as you give your daughter time to get used to her room.
Ellah Hans. Always accompany your daughter to bed and sing a lullaby until she sleeps off. Do the same each time she wakes up.
Namaganda Lillian. Start by sleeping with her in her room she will get used to her room with time.
Henry Mangeni. As parents you have to force your daughter to stay in her bed before it is too late. She will cope with the situation with time.
Nick Musinguzi. I am father. The day we were discharged from the hospital my baby and her mother started sleeping in their own bed. But when the baby made one her mother would come to our bed for about four hours then she goes back to my daughter’s bed. Try to practice that and see if it works out for you. Our baby did not cry and she is three years now sleeping alone without her mother.
Eloku Sarah Laura. Your daughter is still young and needs you. Putting her alone in her bedroom isn’t right. Bring her bed into your bedroom and first make her used to sleeping in her bed alone then you can think of moving her to her bedroom.
Christine Kwatotyo. At two years, she’s too young to sleep in a room alone. Just put her bed in your bedroom until you get someone to sleep with her in her room, then shift her. And let your husband also know that child upbringing is not for the mother alone but a collective responsibility for both parents. He should not blame you alone.
Byaruhanga Daniel. The only option available is for you to conceive so that your daughter gets to know that a brother or another sister is coming up. She will accept to sleep alone when your stomach begins to protrude.
Richard Katamba. Relax. She will outgrow the habit with time. At two, she is too young to sleep alone in a room. Put her bed in your bedroom and always carry her while she is asleep to her bed. Meanwhile, ensure that she is sound asleep before you engage in adult activites.
Moses Musoke. I think the girl needs a sibling whom they can eventually share a room with.
Louise Nakibuuka. Freelance counselling psychologist says: “Dear Laura, if you are both first time parents, it is not fair for your husband to judge you for the child’s failure to get used to her bed. This is something you must do together.
I can understand the reason for your distress because it interferes with your intimacy and sexual relation because you are scared the child may storm into the room any time.
Children usually behave in the way we train them to so you must be patient with her. This is going to cause you anxiety and the child will be affected. Your daughter is perhaps attached to you but it is not too late to change this attitude.
When you take her to her bed, stay with her in the room until she is asleep. After a week or so, establish a regular routine for your child. For example after supper, go to her room, you pray, a bedtime story until she sleeps.
Leave the lights on and the door to her room open. You may leave your door open as well for the beginning but as time goes on, you can lock it. Do not scold her when she storms your room. Try to explain how you love and care for her so much and that you will be watching over her. Comfort her when she cries in the night and take her until she sleeps again.
Generally, as children grow up, parents must know that it is not good for the children to see them naked thus the need to have separate rooms. Sometimes the parents may think the children are asleep yet they are not.” Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka.
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