30 March 2016

Do educated couples have more relationship troubles?


In Summary



Big debate? As to whether education really has a role to play in our relationships is a question that puzzles many. But education should not affect a relationship if one approaches it with wisdom. Education is a beautiful ingredient in a relationship as long as it is not used as a “who is better” measuring contest, writes Godfrey Lugaaju.






Singer Fred Ssebata in his song ‘Amaka g’abasomyeeko’ (families of educated people), says in today’s society it’s mostly families of educated couples that have the most marital problems. He said the marital issues range from child upbringing to sexual discipline.
Matter of fact, education affects the way people behave. It has a way of affecting how one interacts with others and their everyday life since ones education is usually a reflection of their experiences. Also, education affects ones’ way of reasoning.
When discussing a topic, it helps if both partners are knowledgeable on it or at least there is no obvious disadvantage to one party. When you tell a joke your partner should not give you a blank expression since most of the time in marriage is spent talking about random ordinary topics.
Education can be defined as the act or process of imparting or acquiring general knowledge, developing the powers of reasoning and judgment, or generally of preparing oneself or others intellectually for mature life.
However, people have a lot of mixed feelings about the whole idea of education and its importance in one’s adult life and generally in relationships today.
Aisha Nantume, a teacher at Maganjo Secondary School, says education plays a big role in bringing about consensus in a relationship.
“When you are a learned couple, reaching a consensus on disagreements that arise, resolving emotional challenges can amicably be achieved since most educated people are good listeners,” she says.
Nantume adds that education helps to minimise misconceptions between couples thus enhancing compatibility.
“An educated couple can easily co-exist since they are always willing to clarify hidden assumptions and unspoken expectations thereby minimising misunderstandings in the relationship,” she says.






Enhances discernment
Francis Kalule, a married business consultant in Banda, a Kampala city suburb, agrees that education is a vehicle that helps to enhance discretion among couples. Couples know better what aspects of their relationship to let the public know. Besides educated couples know their boundaries in a relationship.
“Educated couples usually follow clear, equal and negotiated boundaries regarding what is private. It is rare to have their family secrets shared with outsiders,” Kalule says.






An ingredient
But Stella Nassozi, a marriage counsellor at “Train a Woman”, an NGO dealing with women affairs in Kyengera, says education is only an ingredient to the already existing mutuality that prevails in the lives of a couple.
“Couples can co-exist with or without being learned as long as they have some common likes and dislikes and that is what counts most in a relationship,” she says.
Nassozi adds that education is just an added advantage for the progress of any relationship since, in a relationship; the basics are about one appreciating the personality of the other and not so many people front education as their major quality.
“A relationship can go on well without any of the partners being learned since some people would not prioritise education in the qualities they seek for in a partner. Its presence is only an added advantage,” she says.
Resolving conflicts among educated couples is easier in most cases since they have a rational approach to solving conflict, according to Winnie Amoding, an education consultant at Prime Education Consultants in Masaka.
“Educated couples often seek counselling services with a view of learning than prevailing over each other, which is an uncommon element in many unlearned couples,” she says.
Amoding adds that many marriages where both partners have attained a certain level of education, often seek for an effective win-win solution to their grievances.
Solomon Tumuhirwe, a third year student of Guiding and Counselling at Makerere University, says education is key to bringing about a good ambiance in a relationship since it encourages the aspect of feeling free with one another.
“Most educated couples often collectively agree upon areas of autonomy, consultation, and mutually shared ownership and decision-making which creates harmony in a relationship,” he says.
However, Tom Musinguzi, an activist, believes that education in relationships is geared towards eroding more of the “moral norms and traditions” that our forefathers put in place to govern love relationships.
“The issue of education in relationships has brought more harm than good. It has eroded the value and respect our forefathers accorded relationships,” he says.
For instance, Musinguzi says women nowadays feel devalued when they kneel before their husbands because of the emancipation that was ushered in by formal education, thus tampering with culture norms.
Mariam Nafuna, a hair stylist in Entebbe, says a relationship involving learned couples is easy to cope with in terms of listening and resolving conflicts.
“I would love being in a relationship with a learned man since their approach to complaints and quest for change is always rational without physical attacks. They can listen to complaints without being on the defensive,” she says.
But all in all education is not a big deal, character of the couple involved in the relationship is. How the couple handles differences that arise is what matters.






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