Secrets of blissfully happy couples

Last week I told you about Mercy whose husband was being physically and emotionally abusive since the birth of their first born two years ago, yet she still loved him and wanted the relationship to work. While the tips I gave were to help her get back at his mean side dishes without going to jail because it’s what she wanted, it was also important to share with her the secrets of happy couples. Thanks to Stella an ardent reader of this column for getting back to me and reminding me of the need to empower her. And as we say bye to March today and head deeper into the year, I want to share with not only Mercy but you too whose relationship needs a revamp or is on the rocks some of the secrets to happy relationships.
1. Learning to let go. One of the biggest secrets of couples who are always smiling and basking in each other’s arms is the ability to compromise in a healthy way. This doesn’t mean giving someone everything they say they want even if you’re uncomfortable. Instead, you need to understand that marriage brings with it an in-built responsibility to let go sometimes, even when you are right. It’s not okay to hold grudges or complaints in your heart for too long. As you start April, try to clear the air by talking about whatever’s on your mind, even if you’re annoyed because you are not friends on Facebook.
2. No ego hassles. Having a bloated ego can be such a deal breaker in a marriage. Being snooty and high nosed should have no place in a marriage otherwise complications are bound to occur. The secret of being a super happy couple is to say sorry when you are wrong and put your ego aside to sort out complications.
3. Respect. If you respect each other, there should no violence or bad mouthing while fighting. The best of marriages can fall apart if couples start turning nasty with physical fights and bad mouthing or hurling objects at each other. If you want to sustain a happy relationship, you must follow the golden rule of not becoming abusive physically or verbally, no matter how intense the fight is.
4. Leave no doubts. If you missed the story last week, Mercy said her husband gave permission to his side dishes to call her. That made her obviously insecure and it’s wrong. But maybe your situation is different; when he cheats they don’t call you and you have never caught him but you are not sure you are the only one. Just like those in a relationship of comparison, where you feel a wave of envy when you are out with your other couple friends of the same age bracket because he compares their wives to you and their kids. All that creates doubt and if these things keep ticking at the back of your mind all the time, they are bound to create an inferiority or superiority complex. Happy couples are always satisfied with what they have in each other and strictly stay away from such petty comparisons.
5. Sharing chores and responsibilities. Who knew that simply dividing up chores could help your relationship? But it does! Taking part in shared responsibilities reminds her that you’re committed and it gets things around the house done a lot faster which will make her even happier. Happy couples usually do this. Whether it is doing the dishes, putting the baby to sleep or paying the bills, happy couples divide chores and decisions as equitably as possible. So try to divide and conquer.
6. Mix it up. Of course you love your one-on-one time but including friends and family in your activities can actually help you out as a couple. It shows your partner that you are interested in the people they care about and gives them the opportunity to get to know your crew as well. The end result of all these rules is a rock solid relationship. If it all sounds like too much to take on at once, don’t panic. Just start with one strategy and build your way up. Experienced people say that one step at a time, before you run, first walk. The fights over dirty dishes and leaving the toilet seat up or down will still ensue, but in the long run remember that it’s the effort that counts.