14 August 2016

My repulsive girlfriend

My girlfriend is suddenly repulsive. What could be wrong? Francis O.

Dear Francis O, I do not know how old your relationship is and for how long she has appeared repulsive to you. Could there be things she has suddenly started doing differently in her social, spiritual, intellectual and physical life that may need amendment or clarification? If so, then you may consider mindful confrontation to ascertain the causes and possible solutions.

There are many reasons relationships suddenly become repulsive and most of them can be dealt with. Women overwhelmed by such issue as; bad odour, negativity , nagging, too demanding, dependence, use of un proportional makeup, lack of self-drive, poor hygiene, artificial looks, manliness, too much desire for money, rigidity, laziness, judgmental spirit, quarrelsomeness, drug abuse often end up repulsive to their male counterparts.

Does your wife test positive of any of these or other unbecoming habits? Never the less, please calm down, revisit your relationship journey, identify what she could be doing differently that may have affected your love tank, invite her to a neutral private place, confidently and empathetically share your feelings with her while actively listening to her body language. This could help you find a solution and draw a way forward together before your love tanks get empty.

Meanwhile you also need to check whether you could have triggered anything in her life that could have bruised her affection. Women find unattractive men who; flirt them, have obsessions (such as gyms, sports etc), lack confidence, are non-motivated, fashion insensitive, irresponsible, proud, too jealousy, close to many other women, and slow. As you reflect on your previous love life, also think about her job, her family, her hobbies, friends, previous love life and future prospects.

Lessons from your past life may be helpful in drawing a way forward for your relationship. You may also consider reviewing each other’s love language and how much you are helping each other achieve your goals in the relationship.
There could be things she ignores yet they make a lot of sense to you and because of the continuous hurts she has become repulsive to you.

Have you considered a face to face session with a professional counselor? He or she would guide you on relationship building, conflict resolution and equip you with coping skills in such a difficult state of your relationship. Elders and trusted friends could also be of use.
Joseph Musaalo is a Counselling Psychologist


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