14 August 2016

Introducing a partner to your children

Brenda has two children with her ex-husband Milton, seventeen-year-old Cissy and fourteen-year-old Ryan. She is friends with those children and has tried to keep them close to their father despite everything they are going through as adults. And truth is, the reason she left Milton was because of another man Musa, who is also ready to visit her parents now that she is officially single.

You would expect her to celebrate this achievement but instead, she is planning to call it off. Not because she was wrong about Musa but because she doesn’t know how to tell the children, especially Cissy who is so close to daddy. I may not have children or be divorced but I tried putting myself in her shoes. But for every situation under the sun, there is a solution and this is what I believe you should when you find yourself in a similar situation;

1 Make sure this is a serious relationship

You don’t want to find yourself introducing new aunties and uncles to them every time things don’t want work out with a lover, lest you affect how they relate as adults in future. In Brenda’s case, we are sure it’s going somewhere since her beau is planning to officially meet the parents, so the time is now. That kind of partner has earned the right to bond with them.

2 Talk to the children and be open with them
Try to tell them some nice things about your partner without comparing them to your ex, the support they give you. Besides, you also deserve to be happy much as your children’s happiness is paramount. So do this for you and face the situation instead of calling off the relationship.

3 Don’t force your new catch on them
When you get comfortable enough to talk about hard topics, you can tell them about your friend. With time they will want to meet that nice friend you are always talking about and when they get comfortable with each other, you break the news; they will not be hard on you.

4 Don’t bad mouth your ex
Whatever happened in your past relationship with their father or mother isn’t their fault and to them that will always be mum or dad. If you want peace, don’t say negative things about your ex in their presence.

5 Introduce them to each other unofficially first
After their first encounter, you can start organising outings together with your family and theirs if it’s possible. With time they will realise uncle or aunty makes you really happy, brings them nice things and before you tell them what’s going on, they might suggest. Good luck on that journey. I hope it works out really well.

Follow me: @JaqDeweyi on Twitter | Facebook | @jnamataka@ug.nationmedia.com


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