Slowly it becomes your reputation within dating circles, and try as hard as you may you will not escape it. Somehow it will bubble to the surface and your next lover will get wind of it. And maybe that is right.
Well, it all began subtly. Sticks of roasted meat and bottles of cheap beer—it was a strictly boys’-night-out invitation.
But who cares about party rules in 2016? Nobody and certainly not him! So he decided to tag along with a date, a beautiful girl with real hair, not those weaves they sell downtown.
They had met three weeks back at a media shindig upcountry, became friends for a minute and lovers the next weekend.
It had now been close to two weeks of dating and life was good. Witty and also a great fan of Ed Sheeran’s music, this girl seemed the right fit for him. “His type” as modern urbanites like to put it.
But it was at this party that the other side to his new angel was first made mention of, a side she had hidden from him.
Somewhere in between the mingling and endless ‘selfies,’ someone that perhaps thought this was just a girl he had met at this house party leaned in and whispered that they knew her better. “She is a thief!” They had quipped.
Apparently, this girl’s reputation within the dating blocks was that of theft. He ignored the caution.
Then three months in, it happened! He woke up to find his much adored Nikon P530 camera gone from the drawer just a day after his girlfriend had spent the weekend over.
It was the fourth time he had lost something ever since she started paying him regular visits, having woken up to an emptied wallet twice and losing a friend’s watch he had left abandoned on the sofa some other time.
Those first cases he had ignored, trying hard not to even think about the idea of his adorable girlfriend being the culprit.
This time however, the details were very graphic– waking up to a missing girlfriend and a missing camera only proved one thing. She was stealing from him.
A tough reality
But what do you do when it becomes clear that someone you are in a relationship with is stealing from you? Do you call the police on someone you love, or sit them down and dig into it, accusing them of having itchy fingers right to their face?
These are some of the questions he desperately tried to sieve through without much clarity. And such is the kind of fate many other people have to deal with because cases of theft in relationships are not isolated. There are many people not only dating but actually married to thieves, a reality 29-year old Margaret Hasahya is no stranger to, having once gone to the bank to find that her ex-husband had cleared their joint bank account behind her back.
“All Shs13m was gone!” She yelps, adding that this was not the first time he was doing it. He had a history of theft. something she had an idea of even in the initial stages of their relationship.
Back then she did not believe his so many friends that accused him of walking away with things that did not belong to him, including money. “He seemed like the most civil person. I always defended him and thought there was no way he would steal. But eventually it became clear that it was him.”
Stay or walk away?
In such cases, the biggest question that usually one is faced with after learning of a partner’s theft is whether to stay with them or leave.
And Linda Nabakoza, a sales woman asserts that there is no rocket science here. As she rhetorically asks, “Why would you share a bed with a thief you know? What will you do if he is sent to jail some day?”
Nabakoza’s only recommended move is to immediately walk away; the same decision Hasahya came to. But from Hasahya’s stand-point, the way forward is never that obvious.
“Unless you have only been together for a few months, walking away is tough. This is someone you are in love with, and you do not want to just get up and leave. Part of you keeps suggesting that maybe they need time. You keep telling yourself that you can help them change.” a composed Hasahya shares. It is for this reason that she stuck with her man for five years, all along aware of his theft.
What to do
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