During family dinners and gatherings, some parents make it a point to sneak in the topic on their choice of partner they want you to marry. Half the time, the person you are dating is nothing like the rosy picture your parents are painting; a man or woman of a certain tribe, religion, education background or social status.
This is very common, and according to Faith Nambooze, who had to leave her fiance, can leave you emotionally distraught.
“I know for sure there were better men than my current partner. But I was compelled to dump all of them because my parents wanted me to marry a Muganda man,” she shares. “I doubt I can ever love him the way I loved the other men.”
The issue of parents indirectly imposing the right spouse on you is not only unique to women, men too.
Mark Ssengendo, a 29-year-old IT specialist says, his current girlfriend is a woman he always dreamed of having. She is intelligent, hardworking and physically appealing. But she has never met his parents after three years in a relationship because she is a mother of one. And even though she is four years younger than Mark, his family has over and over again mentioned that they would not want him to marry a woman who already has a child.
“I have tried to talk to them, hint that even women who have given birth before can still make good partners in vain,” he says. “Now I feel like reconsidering for the sake of my sick mother.”
This leaves one wondering whether considering your parents expectations when choosing a partner today is a must.
Diana Katusiime, a hairstylist says it is so important to put in mind what your parents want because it could be a disgrace for you to start a family that will never be accepted by your parents.
“Everyone wants a marriage with their parents’ blessings and a marriage not blessed by parents is bound to fail. So it would be wise to consider what your parents want in your choice of partner,” she advises.
Martha Akello, a graphics designer says disobeying a parent’s request is out of question especially if you will need them at some point.
“There are times in marriage when you have disagreements with your partner and the only people who can intervene and advise you on how to settle it are your parents.”
Susan Nabacwa, a teacher, also adds that parents always make the right decisions for their children even when they can independently sustain themselves. It is common belief that children consider their parents advice for it is wisdom passed on.
“Parents have a lot of experience so once they decide on a must have quality, understand that they know what good it will do to their child’s marriage. Parents have seen it all; some experienced while others learnt from others’ experience so they would not want their child to fall prey.”
She adds that if parents do not want their child to marry someone from a different religion or social status, it is a way of preventing indifferences that could result from the marriage.
However, Maria Bayana, a student says parents have no say in what so ever choice of partner their children choose. This is because it’s not the parents getting married but the child.
She adds that as a person, you are entitled to choose someone who makes you happy and gives you comfort despite not meeting some of your parents expectations.
“When you get into marriage, it is you going to have that experience so your choice is all that matters.”
Counsellor’s views
Mr Henry Nsubuga, a counsellor, says every parent wishes the best for their children so they feel they should look out for them. He, however, says, normally parents base ideas on past experiences seen or gone through, not knowing that this might be different.
Mr Nsubuga recommends that parents sit their children down and explain at length why they consider certain qualities in their future son/daughter- in-law but it is the child to make a final decision on whether it is worth considering as per explanation.
“There are qualities better than tribe or religion, it is a matter of a person knowing their values and how well their partner can complement them. Know what you cherish and want then discuss it with your parents putting it forward that not everyone is a 100 per cent so it is a give and take situation.”
editorial@ug.nationmedia.com
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