In one of the social media forums I am part of, a friend told us he had dumped his partner because she voted for a different candidate. I was really shocked because it seemed incredibly shallow. Unfortunately since then, I have heard more and more stories of broken marriages and relationships because of the just concluded elections. These include Tyra, a ‘happy wife’ turned single mum for refusing to vote the person hubby was supporting. When hubby’s candidate lost, he decided to leave so she can also see how hard the hustle is for him….really?!
But every relationship has conflict and even after the elections, there are many areas where you’re simply not going to agree. Say one of you wants to have children while the other says they’re not ready, or are happy with the current number of kids. Or one of you wants sex far more frequently that the other, may be one of you is a saver of money and the other is a spender. There is just so much to argue about every day in life yet your relationship must thrive despite the differences between you. Here are five ways to communicate better with your partner when you don’t see eye to eye:
1. Be mature
Problems in marriage will happen but how mature you are when addressing them is what matters. If the drama in your relationship is because you both couldn’t agree on whom to vote, breaking up or giving each other space is not the solution. Acknowledge the problem and talk about it. Especially now that the elections are done, think about how you can stay satisfied in your relationship in spite of your differences. And If you value your marriage more than you value your politics, you will both agree to disagree, cancel each other’s’ votes out, and pretty much never talk about it again. The key here is to continually work it out and to grow up. Your love for each other shouldn’t be overwhelmed by your political differences. Besides, the candidates making you fight are happy in theirs!
2. Do it with respect.
Everyone wants to be listened to and respected. According to Thomas Fogarty, ‘Respect is not trying directly or indirectly to change someone’. Sadly, we often treat common strangers with more respect than people in our home which is one of the main reasons most couples on the verge of marital collapse are where they are. Whether you are blue, orange, independent or yellow, each of you is entitled to their opinion. You should not be trying to change each other or forcing each other to think a certain way. And if you have reached a point where you no longer like each other because of those differences in opinion, it’s not too late. Respectfully talk to each other about the issues affecting your relationship as individuals and most importantly, respect yourself as you communicate.
3.Clearly define yourself.
To define yourself means to have a deeper awareness and understanding of your beliefs, wants, needs and desires. Marriage is not a prison; it’s a great place to clarify these things in your life mainly because that’s the way marriage is designed. So if you live with a partner whom you politically disagree with, it’s not a crime. It’s the same thing like both of you having your own view of the way things should be done at home. May be in your family of origin, when bathing, you wash the feet first but your spouse’s family of origin believes it’s the head first. Both ways are certainly “right,” just different. You are allowed to live life the way you choose, but so is your spouse. So remind each other of this fact.
4.Talk about it
In every relationship, there will be one who over-functions while the other under-functions which is a reality of relationships. These are positions we occupy in response to how we do life. None of us is all one way all the time; we over-function in some areas of life and under-function in others. This is determined by what’s important to you and what you value. The One thing to keep in mind is that if you’re over-functioning for someone, you are under-functioning for yourself. When you are faced with something you want to change, and have a partner that isn’t on the same page, it’s best to initiate a discussion about it. Share your thoughts but openly listen to theirs too so that together, you are able to come up with a solution.
5.Live by what you hold dear.
When you are faced with a situation where you and your spouse aren’t on the same page, live according to your own integrity and values. If you want a simple life and your partner doesn’t, simplify your life. You wanted a different candidate from your partner and you voted yours already, so have they, it’s done. Celebrate the fact that you followed your heart and not his or hers. Now that you can’t change a thing, fix what is broken. At the end of the day, you are all responsible for your relationship’s success or failure.
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