Why is my fiancée suddenly disinterested in our wedding? Jonnie O..
Dear Jonnie, Marriage is a union most people enter into with the best of intentions. Despite this, many people lose interest in their partners and the relationship yet continue into marriage for various reasons which make marriage boring. Loss of interest varies from person to person depending on circumstances. I do not know how long your relationship has taken and how much self disclosure you have done to each other? Could there be a possibility that there are new discoveries whether facts or rumours that have been brought on board that may affect her mind?
This may call for exceptional communication skills between the two of you to deal with the challenge. It could be beyond the two of you and perhaps extending to either of your families and her assessment depicts fear and inability to handle. I do not know what the objective of your relationship was from the beginning. Did she know and agree to marriage right from the beginning? Some relationships are built more on conditions as opposed to love. You may also have to consider how thoroughly you have always responded to the concerns that have been arising during your relationship. Could there be some which have not been attended to?
It is not always possible that your partner meets 100 per cent of your expectations in a spouse but it depends greatly on what you are compromising and how manageable it may be in life. Taking a keen look at your differences and beliefs such as religion, physical appearance, culture, personality traits, interests, anticipations (number of children, in-law and career-related issues, conflict resolution style) may be helpful in establishing the course. What about her family and relations? Do they appear interested in the relationship? If you cannot find adequate responses from your fiancée then may be her friends or significant others may be a good resource in this incidence. As you pursue further the line of reconciliation, you may consider applying what worked before, such as consultations with friends, elders and therapists for further support. In the event the above fails, respect her feelings and decisions and let go. Your fears could be about public opinion, but people who care will understand when you let go.
Joseph Musaalo is a Counselling Psychologist.
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